.(This is a google translation)
The Birth of Debby. Debby Downer. I have given a name to the negative voice, the dust cloud of misery in my head and because of this I have been able to park my ego voice a bit outside myself. Debby Downer is the bitch who lives in my head about 4 days a month and also on days when I'm extremely tired and haven't listened to myself and my body. I have now reversed it and Debby D is now my tutor. When she starts talking again in a negative way in my head, I immediately distance myself from that voice and I critically ask a number of questions: Ten, are you sleep deprived, have you lost control of something for a while, has something happened that made you energy has dropped? When was the last time you took a long walk? Often it is 3 times YES.
I now place the inner critic at a distance, outside myself. It's hard training but you can do it. I visualize the voice as an annoying roommate who sits next to me on the couch, chattering in my ear, and where one judgment after another comes out of her sour mouth and I think “say bitch, who wants to live with you? ” I am worthy to spend time with myself, to love me and to give my body rest. Who are you to bring me down like this. Know your place debby D. BAM and off she goes. In the highest lows of my life, some 2 years after Lou's diagnosis and I had wrung myself out like a tea towel, this voice was actually at its highest irritation. How bad is that? Your life is certainly not going well and your critical voice is also getting louder? Happy happy Joy Joy
Here's an example - and this happened repeatedly in my life leading to burnout until I turned it around and started to believe in the voice of love: After a long evening of work, a morning of viewings in Amsterdam, I came home from work at half past three in the afternoon, exhausted, to be able to relax for half an hour before Lou would come home by bus from school. I came home, the sun was shining in my garden and I saw my lovely lounger in the sun. I put my bag down and see bread crumbs on the floor, breakfast on the table and in my head I hear "you can only lie in the sun after you have vacuumed" I took a deep breath, recognized the voice I've so often let in and out of my mind, and said aloud “Shut up debby and start vacuuming yourself” and I lay down in the garden in the sun.
I will never forget that moment, when I looked at my ego voice from a distance "miss Debby" and thought you speak to me in fear, in pain, in guilt, in shame. Nowhere, anywhere, do you in the least come from a source of love. This cannot but be my ego. I say: greetings. My body needs understanding, support and love and that is what I am going to give myself now. I enjoyed lying in the sun. Lou got off the bus and we lay on a rug together under the beautiful beech tree in our garden. Watching and hugging moving leaves in the tree while we ate an ice cream. I will never forget that moment Because I then consciously saw what this voice did to me, put me (and therefore Lou) down/make less happy and while we benefited much more from support, understanding and love. wow.
Do you also have a voice in your head that can bring you down? Give her a funny name. Share and create a name for the mega-bitch with your friends. My sisters and friends now also call their voice Debby Downer and when we call each other we also remind each other if we have forgotten it again. My dear friend Sas recently called from New Zealand and with 24 hours apart we both experienced the same thing at the time. Honey, I think you're listening to Debby again like it's the truth, but it's not. Tien, I have to cry so much, afraid I'll get psychosis. I Called my mother and I could only cry. Oh no sas, did you do that? Your poor mother.. And you were 24 hours away
"And when was the feeling away?" 2 days later, she said. and we laughed of recognition. .
This is temporary and it will pass. So happy that my friends can also mirror me when I get sucked into a story in my head or vice versa. Debby pounds right through you and grabs you by the throat. But here comes the good news. As I woke up more and more from my avoidance period... the pain got less every month. I walked through the pain, not around it, and Debby calmed down. Debby is now my alarm and my teacher to find out if I still live true/wholehearted. So “she” is certainly partly right. She screamed at me unfiltered pain, which I didn't want to work on for the other 28 days.
"Debby, you're still a bitch, but I hear you." Fortunately you are only there for 4 days and then I can handle you better and better and I know better and better how to filter your negative messages for what is real. But you can do the vacuuming yourself, when the sun is shining. Eckhart tolle, he already said listen to your circle.
Conclusion Debby Downer Separation.. does the ego.. showing understanding and love comes from the heart .Rejecting someone, condemning someone comes from the ego.. the ego is crazy about negative shit, is taking a sucker down for yourself and another. The more critical someone is of him or herself, or of his team.. know that this person is number 1 most critical of himself which is very sad when you think about it.
Please set your self free and change your mind , don't take Debby Downer too seriously it's a bitch that really goes crazy in your head .. but it's not reality.
I do listen to my "loving Lou" voice. She is gentle sweet and always got my back, cause i deserve it.
PS: to have some fun around Debby Downer. After publishing the book ME-movement I am thinking to create a nice pyama with a cute short and top with Debby Downer letters on your ass. How much fun is that to wear 4 days a month something in which you actually feel. If you " look" to something it will disappear, if you "resist" it will grow. I can all ready picture it .. a beautufull pink Me-movement box with a Debby Downer pyama. I would wear it with so much proud. Would you?